5 Assholes Who Ruined a Good First Name

If you're ever insane enough to have a kid, you'll inevitably go through it. Poring over an endless list of names with your significant other, when suddenly the perfect one comes to mind. Then your spouse shits all over it with some form of: "No, I knew a person in high school with that name and couldn't STAND them." We all know the drill.

This is a conversation that is obviously dependent on the experiences of specific individuals, but there are also certain names that EVERYONE can agree are off limits. A name whose mere mention can send a chill down your spine or a knot to your gut. Names that likely will go the way of the DoDo bird, relegated to a punchline and historical footnote. Maybe the name is from a real person or from a fictional character. These are those names and the stories of the monsters behind them:

O.J. (O.J. Mayo, Basketball): Before 2008, the name OJ represented all that was good in sports. OJ Mayo was a superstar high school basketball player, drawing record crowds in Ohio reminiscent to those of LeBron James. He was named men's basketball player in not one but two states (Ohio and West Virginia). Eventually he accepted a full scholarship to play basketball at USC, becoming one of the most famous athletes to ever attend the university, and certainly the most famous OJ in it's storied history. After dominating the first 12 games of his career, it was revealed in early 2008 that OJ committed one of the most heinous crimes an athlete can commit: Receiving Improper Benefits. The team was forced to forfeit all their wins resulting from his tenure, and OJ went on to collect millions in the NBA while his former teammates suffered the dire consequences. The name OJ was forever tarnished.

Adof (Adolf Dassler, Inventor): The 1800s bore so many great Adolfs (Adolf Albin - chess player; Adolf van Henselt - Composer; Adolf Anderssen - Chess Player). That came to an end as Adolf Dassler grew to prominence and invented Adidas. Adidas has been involved in countless controversies, from accusations of tone-deaf shoes to child labor to improper benefits charges. Oh yeah, and Dassler was a Nazi. You know what they say about the name Adolf. "Great name, unfortunately everyone thinks of the Adidas guy." Too bad.

Joffrey (Joffrey Lupul, Hockey): Joffrey Lupul was at one time one of the NHL's Golden Boys. A first-round (7th overall) draft pick, he was a rising star who broke in with the Anaheim Ducks immediately after being drafted. He became famous by being the first player in NHL History to score all 4 goals including the overtime winner in a playoff game vs. the Avalanche in the 2003 Western Conference Finals, earning him the nickname King Joffrey. Unfortunately Joffrey's reign would not last forever. By the end of 2017, nobody could look past what a scumbag King Joffrey had become. It was reported that Joffrey failed a physical with the Toronto Maple Leafs, and followed it up by doing the unthinkable - causing a distraction by addressing it on social media. It's a shame really. People love naming their kids non-traditional versions of traditional names like Jeffrey, but good luck finding any Joffrey's after Mr. Lupul's callous display of inhumanity.

Harvey (Harvey Bass, Tik Tok): Until recently, showbiz had a spotless record for producing well behaved and revered Harveys (Harvey Keitel, Harvey Milk). That is until Harvey Bass came along. As we all know, Tik Tok is the hottest source of influence young people are using to build their brand and stay informed. Like athletes and pop icons, we expect our Tik Tok stars to carry themselves with dignity and respect befitting their position of power. Harvey Bass hocked a big loogie on that responsibility by getting suspended for dancing to Git Up during what was supposed to be an high school exam. Nice example to be setting, Harvey. Go look every parent of a dropout in the eye and tell them you failed their kids. Cross that name off the list.

Donald (Donald Sutherland; Actor): The most polarizing old, white Donald of the last decade, Mr. Sutherland hasn't exactly done his namesake any favors. Credit to Donald Glover and Donald Cerrone for at least getting ahead of this, changing their names to Childish Gambino and Cowboy respectively. Donald Sutherland has disgraced his good name in numerous ways. First by participating in an unnecessary and gross sex scene in 1973, and then fathering a son selfish enough to drunk drive (you learn these things at home). The final nail in the Donald coffin was Sutherland appearing as a mean politician in the Hunger Games. Polarizing names can survive a lot, but once you enter fictional politics, kiss it goodbye.