Do NOT Miss These Network TV Shows!

Most men hate football. Every fall, we pretend to be excited because that's what our women expect from us - bloodlust and beer guts. There's nothing more attractive than a man screaming at 22 year old kids on TV, so that's what we do. The reality is, most of us are simply in a great mood because fall season means the return of premier network television following the games. There is nothing like lighting a candle on a chilly Sunday evening and melting into the couch with a warm cup of apple cider, anticipating who Young Sheldon might murder this week. The writing on that show is incredible - how he uses that big nerd brain to keep evading police (including his younger sister Deb) is thrilling television. Plus, you get commercials. Why watch streaming services when you can take a 3 minute break and learn about moderate to severe plaque psoriasis and boner pills?

Anyway, everybody knows about Young Sheldon, but with so much good television, it's easy to miss some of the other jaw-droppers. Here are a handful of my favorites along with a quick synopsis. Some may have been cancelled, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't hunt down the DVDs.

Carol's Second Act (CBS - Cancelled - 1 season): Patricia Heaton's first act as wife to Ray Romano didn't go so well. Despite a family-friendly finale, we find out she had been sleeping with Ray's much stronger and well-endowed brother Robert for years off-screen. After being kicked out of the house, she decides to start a new life. She changes her name from Debra to Carol and enters med school with the divorce settlement money. She plans to eventually kill Ray's obnoxious parents as revenge for their failed marriage as they both enter the hospital for dementia.

Outmatched (Fox - Cancelled - 1 Season): After catching her husband having sex with an apple pie, Kay decides to enroll him in college as punishment for cheating on her with a pastry. He has only 2 months to graduate or she will divorce him. Luckily, his dad Eugene Levy is an extremely wealthy hotel magnate, and pays off most of the professors to pass his son.

Party of Five (Freeform - Cancelled - 1 Season): Following the riots of 2020, four racially diverse art students enter the mean streets of Portland to compete with world-class graffiti artists for a grand prize of $5 million dollars. They specialize in rainbow colored birds. Loyalties are tested as the youngest of the group (a baby) takes a job as the city's police captain, trying to shut down the competition and restore the city to it's former boring corporate-owned glory.

GOD Friended Me (CBS - Cancelled - 2 Seasons): On New Years Eve, three tech-savvy hipsters each get a Facebook message from God Himself, played by Morgan Freeman. God needs help. In this world, Satan has become the new "It" Guy. Satan is very, very hot right now. The hipster's instructions are simple: Search through Satan's old tweets and convince the world he is actually not woke, in hopes of cancelling him forever. Meanwhile, after some convincing from the hipsters that Facebook is only for old evangelicals, God will start a Tik Tok in hopes of appealing to the new generation.

Perfect Harmony (NBC - Cancelled - 1 Season): Twenty years after his defeat at the hands of Billy Madison, Eric Gordon has descended into alcoholic madness. One night after polishing off two cases of White Claw, he decides to drive to the strip club but is pulled over for DUI. His punishment? Coach a rag-tag group of aspiring church choir singers to national prominence. Eric initially has very little interest, but soon realizes the three-time defending national champion choir is coached by none other than Madison Hotels nemesis Carl. Will the holy spirit find Eric and his band of misfits, or will he end up with another shotgun wound in his ass?

Flirty Dancing (Fox - Cancelled - 1 Season): Desperate for a woman's touch after 6 months in quarantine, a man finally asks himself "What's the worst that could happen?" He meets a Hinge date in the barren wasteland of New York City. She's actually pretty hot, and eventually he tries to impress her by doing "The Move" from Dirty Dancing, similar to Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love. It does not work out, and he accidentally drops her on her head. He spends the rest of his life paying her medical bills while getting COVID for having left his house.

Tommy (CBS - Cancelled - 1 Season): After Tony is killed in the diner in The Sopranos finale, Carmella Soprano decides to renounce her life of crime and go into law enforcement. She soon realizes the inside is not so different from the outside, and getting things done sometimes requires playing dirty. She secretly hires her son AJ to pose as a male prostitute named Tommy, who will feed her information on New York's criminal underbelly as he works the night shift at The Honky Tonk. Meanwhile, the lines of Tommy's allegiance begin to blur, as he falls in love with several of his clients (basically all of them).

Broke (CBS - Cancelled - 1 Season): Four degenerate gamblers who have lost everything decide enough is enough. An edge is needed, and simply not gambling anymore is for quitters. They head to the most affluent elementary school in town to shake down the kids for their lunch money at recess in order to pay their bookie. It is there they meet Young Sheldon, the class nerd. After roughing him up and stealing his Apple Watch, they agree to eventually pay him back on one condition: He help them gain a mathematical edge on their bets. Young Sheldon is a natural and begins to win his clients tons of money, but is eventually 'made' by the loan sharks and executed. The four degenerates must find yet another nerd.

Bless This Mess (ABC - Cancelled - 2 Seasons): 15 years after her father Babe was murdered for bacon scraps, teenage pig Ruth is living a somewhat modest life in Bumfuk, Arkansas. She spends her days rolling in and eating her own shit - life is good. That is until Dax Shepard comes along, following a brutal split where he left his wife Kristen Bell for sister Lake Bell. After realizing what a stupid name Lake Bell is, Dax realizes he's created a mess for himself and needs to find a way out. His idea? Sell the farm to Famous Dave's BBQ. Ruth, understanding this will mean certain death for her and her friends, befriends Lake Bell in an effort to stop the plan from unfolding.

Council of Dads (NBC - Cancelled - 1 Season): Billy Blubberbean's wife oversees a private text message to his friend indicating he was "playing CoD for 7 hours last night" when he was supposed to be watching their infant son. Not wanting to be outed as a video game nerd and irresponsible father, Billy claims CoD stands for "Council of Dads", an online platform where various exceptional fathers share tips and experiences to help better raise their family in a fun and collaborative environment. She starts asking questions and rather than admitting to the lie, Billy devises an incredibly elaborate plan to create a Council of Dads with his fantasy football buddies. They all end up divorced.

NOS4A2 (AMC - Cancelled - 2 Seasons): A poor girl is born with deformed teeth that make her look monstrous. Her parents are both chemists and always appreciate a good wordplay joke. They decide to name her NOS4A2, a play on famous vampire "Nosferatu." The joke is on them, however, as she actually ends up being a real vampire and kills them the first night they bring her home. Realizing she wields superpowers, NOS4A2 robs a bank and hires a butler to drive her around during the day in her pajamas. She cruises around in the tinted backseat, sipping on blood-wine and taking Instagram candids 4 The H8ers.

Happy viewing.