Madea Mayhem - Blindly Ranking All 11 Movies

*Spoilers Below*

What makes a great movie? A twist ending, of course. The Madea movies are fantastic for many reasons, but famed auteur Tyler Perry managing to shock and awe us each time the credits role is master class. The "big reveal" that he was playing Madea all along has caused me to choke on more than a kernel or two of popcorn. Like all franchises, some installments are better than others. I'm here to help you prioritize the next binge with a synopsis/ranking of each. From worst to first:

11. Madea's Family Reunion: Thanksgiving is upcoming and Madea is lonely after losing her mother to a deadly strain of Plaque Psoriasis. She decides to reunite with her Perry cousins - Tyler, Luke, and Katy. Chaos ensues when Katy Perry's abusive ex boyfriend John Mayer shows up. John and Madea struggle for dominance of the household. Madea eventually calls up Katy's high school sweetheart Orlando Bloom, who is an elf. He shoots and kills John Mayer with an arrow, then shoots Katy with cupid's arrow. They fall in love and Madea officiates the wedding. 4.5 / 10 - Not a Family Drama Guy

10. A Madea Family Funeral: Madea is older now and is wearing a much grayer wig. While on her death bed, she tells stories of her life's adventures to her grandchildren Tyler Perry and Dakota Fanning. The two of them always thought the stories were too outrageous to be true, secretly giving Madea the nickname 'Big Fish'. At the funeral, many of the characters from the stories show up to pay their respects. They include guest star LeBron James who Madea had beaten in a 1-1 match for the "Keys to Akron", which Madea ended up giving to LeBron anyway out of respect. As the crane lowers Madea into the ground, her spirit rises and lives in a nearby lake as a giant carp. 5 / 10 - Uneven, but good storytelling

9. Madea Goes to Jail: Madea makes the mistake of her life by having 3 jumbo margaritas at Happy Hour and drives home. She runs a red light and is badly injured, but her friends Kat Williams, his wife also named Madea, and Tyler Perry are killed. She is sentenced to life without bail. Inside, she is forced to smuggle drugs in through her fat suit and eventually becomes a ruthless gang leader in order to survive. She makes it, but at what cost? Tyler Perry plays all the gang members but the other female, who is Cersei Lannister. 5.6 / 10 - Does crime really pay?

8. Madea's Big Happy Family: The first film in the series when Madea's actions haven't taken their toll and wiped out man of her family members. This one is basically a rip off of National Lampoon's Father of the Bride, only Chevy Chase plays the police officer called to the house when Steve Martin tries to break in. The Wayans brothers are hilarious as various members of Madea's family, with Tyler Perry guest starring as their newborn baby. 6.1 / 10 - Funny and lighthearted

7. Boo! A Madea Halloween: I don't know why they titled this one Halloween, other than it starts on Halloween night. Anyway, Madea begins the movie employed by a whaling crew off the coast of Indonesia. When the ship is sunk by "whale wars" animal activists, the entire crew drowns, but Madea survives because her fat suit floats and is eventually rescued. Struggling to find work, she takes a job as a college janitor, only to prove her academic worth to students by solving unfinished equations on the white board. Eventually she takes a job as a professor and marries Robin Williams. 6.3 / 10 - Boring but well made.

6. Madea's Witness Protection: Madea stars as a former mob boss now relegated to the burbs under the guise of a "cable guy". Trouble ensures when he discovers Tom Hanks and his son Brooks Koepka live down the street. Brooks is constantly hitting golf balls and breaking Madea's windows, causing his wife and kids to live in fear. Under the guise of "cable guy", Madea gains access to the Koepka/Hanks house and programs the TV to show that video from "The Ring". The entire family dies 7 days later and Madea lives peacefully with his family. 6.9 / 10 - Now we are getting somewhere

5 (NIL). Diary of a Mad Black Woman: I admittedly missed this one. I accidentally walked into the wrong theater and ended up seeing Diary of a Wimpy Kid instead. Not bad!

4. I Can Do Bad All By Myself: Madea moves to inner city Los Angeles to teach a classroom of so-called "hopeless" students. Madea is initially harassed by her tough students led by Edward James Olmos, who constantly makes fun of her fat suit. Eventually, principal Lou Diamond Philips gives Madea an ultimatum: The students pass the bar exam all becoming lawyers, or she is fired. She teaches them all to cheat and retains her job, while falling in love with over-the-hill gym teacher Tyler Perry. 7.3 / 10 - The cinematography is worth the price of admission alone. Tyler Perry having sex with himself in the gymnasium was A+ CGI

3. Boo 2! A Madea Halloween: This one is actually sort of Halloween themed. Madea begins the movie not wearing his fat suit, instead playing a skinny middle schooler trying out for the basketball team in the fall. While out trick-or-treating, he gets bitten by a werewolf played by Javier Bardem. Days later, he wakes up with claws, a big hairy wig, wearing a fat suit, and 6 inches taller. He becomes the star center by "wolfing out", but is eventually recruited by Denzel Washington to play for the football team instead. Madea's transformation teaches the kids to get along no matter what they look like on the outside. 8.7 / 10 - Moving and scary all at once

2. Meet the Browns: Madea is a nurse and meets the love of her life played by Tyler Perry, who has COVID. After Tyler's recovery, they go to meet his parents played by Jack Nicklas and Halle Berry. Madea screws up in a multitude of ways while trying to impress the Browns. He injuries Jack's daughter in law just before her own wedding, dunking on her in a harmless game of backyard pickup causing an unsightly black eye. Eventually, Jack gets so mad that he goes crazy and tries to kill Madea. He chases her around the house with an axe, but freezes to death outside as Madea alludes him. 9.1 / 10 - Hilarious until it isn't

1. A Madea Christmas: The last movie of the series. Madea hosts Christmas with all of her family members, again played by the Wayans family and the Jackson 5. The joke is on them though, as all their presents turn out to be pictures of Madea from previous movie roles. The biggest twist of them all. 10/10 - Obviously

Happy Binging.